Have you ever had a day when you just felt overwhelmed ? Friday was one of those days for me for sure.

Most people tend to see me as strong and capable. Including myself. But I do get my days when I wish I could just escape to an island for the day and be all alone.

As most of you know I am a caregiver. So my hands are full each day with caring for others inside my own home and for one other person outside my home when needed. Running my home and trying to keep it all together is a full time job. Heck, sometimes just keeping a clear head is a full time job for me. I get days when I wonder where I left my mind. LOL 

The one thing I do not really need is added stress or extra worry on my mind concerning my loved ones. 

Well yesterday was one of those days when each phone call seemed to bring one more thing that I did not want to hear. There were a few calls but the following is a list of the most important ones.

I was already dealing with emotions because it would have been my father's birthday yesterday if he were still with me. So memories of him were abundant in my heart. On top of that I had an argument with my one brother about something he was not allowed to do but was bound and bent he was going to do anyway. Luckily I won the argument but it was upsetting just the same. Also on my mind was my favorite brotherinlaw because he just had surgery for a brain aneurysm and is still not doing 100%.

Well as the old saying goes however --- life is like that -- and sometimes you have to hear things whether you wish to or not it seems no matter what emotions you are already dealing with inside for whatever reasons.

I am one of the lucky ones who has a wonderfully kind and caring family doctor. He even calls me sometimes just because he is thinking of me and to check in to see how I am doing with things and how I am coping with this or that. It is nothing for him to call me at 10 at night just to see how I am. He keeps worrying that I will get what is termed as "caregiver burnout". A couple years back despite me saying I did not need any help, he actually took it upon himself to see to it that I had a homemaker come in three times a week to bathe my uncle and twice a week to bathe my aunt because he did not want me bending and stretching to help them in and out of the tub because of my own health problems.

"Caregiver burnout" -- Geesh does he not realize I do not have time for that sort of thing. I checked my calendar for the month of September and I could not even find a spot to pencil that in. LOL

Anyway -- my day started with my doctor calling to confirm that I had an appointment with my surgeon next week because I will be going back in for surgery soon and he wanted to be sure I did not forget to keep my appointment because I have a way of putting off my own appointments because someone else needs something and I like to take care of them first before taking care of myself.

Well I had barely hung up the phone when my doctor called back to let me know he had the results of my aunts x-rays. Turns out she has to have a hip replacement. My aunt is 63 and has sever arthritis in her left hip and leg to the point she can not walk most days now and she hurts so bad she is nearly always in tears. She is a very stoic lady and rarely complains to me and if it were not for the tears in her eyes and her problem walking now -- one would never know how much she hurts. While my doctor is talking, my mind is already rushing ahead and wondering how I am going to manage taking her to therapy etc .. and rearrange the house so she is on the main floor for awhile afterwards and not climbing the stairs to her own room and how I am going to attend to her when I am going for surgery myself and will be recouping.

I hang up from my own doctor and a little while later my phone rings and it is the eye specialist wanting to know when I want to book my uncle's next eye surgery and if it is convenient to let him know if sometime in November is ok. He tells me that it is not urgent but that it should be done within the next few months. I tell him I will have to get back to him. 

I carry on with my daily things like laundry and dusting and my phone rings and the other person that does not live with me that I take care of as well when needed, tells me he is going to have to have a knee replacement and he will need me to do his running around for him while he is recouping. No date is known yet for this surgery so I do not have to panic yet.

I get through my day and finish up with supper things and get everyone busy doing whatever they wish to be doing. By now I am in big time need of a few private moments to myself.

My phone rings again and it is the love of my life calling to let me know that he has kidney stones in his remaining kidney. He had the other kidney totally removed last fall due to cancer. His x-rays showed at least 5 stones and they will hopefully be able to blast them but the doctors are concerned because he is urinating blood from time to time and having a lot of pain.

Well after this call i make a cup of tea - light a cigarette and try to find a quiet corner for a few minutes to think. I sat out on my back deck at the patio table and as I was trying to process my day and trying to figure how to rearrange my life to accommodate everyone and everything my mind switches to household repairs that need doing before winter sets in again.

I look up at the back windows of my house and remember that they have to be scraped - caulked and primed so I can paint them before winter sets in. Two of the biggest windows in the back of my house are beginning to leak water when it rains and there is no choice but to get them done as soon as I can. My soninlaw told me that it would be a temporary fix until I can afford to have the windows replaced with better ones. 

All of a sudden I felt the tears coming and although I tried to fight them off they decided they were boss and started pouring down my cheeks. I guess that is what I needed because after a good cry I did feel better. 

I finished off my day with some computer time and went to bed. After a restless night and very little sleep because of a busy mind and an achy body, I got up and started over again. 

Today dawned clear and beautiful and even I could not feel down. I took my morning tea outside to the back deck and as I sat there in the silence of the morning enjoying the breeze and the birds chittering away -  I suddenly realized that God would not give me more then I could handle and that everything will fall into place as it happens and I will deal with it as I have always dealt with things. 

My mind said "Well woman what are you going to do?" I answered "I am a survivor !! I can and I will handle everything and I will succeed !!"

I stood up and hollered for my 2 brothers to come outside - I put a scraper in each of my 2 brothers hands and put them to work helping me scrape windows. My one brother says "But I do not know how" and I replied " Well no time like the present to learn."

I called my doctor at home and told him when my aunt has surgery I need him to get my homemaking upped so someone comes more often to take care of her personal needs until she is recuperated. I can do the rest.

I called my uncles eye specialist and left a message on his machine that I was putting his eye surgery off until after both myself and my aunt had recouped from our surgeries.

I called the other gentleman I help take care of when needed and told him he was going to have to get one of his sons or one of his friends to do most of his running when he has his knee replacement because I needed my brothers both home with me to help out when I am recouping and to help me with my aunt while she is recouping.

I sat down and wrote a letter to the love of my life and told him that everything would be ok and that he had an excellent surgeon and they would take care of him. I gave him love and encouragement and told him I knew he would be ok.

Then I took my poodle for a walk and spent time with myself for a bit and enjoyed the beautiful morning. When I got back to the house I was refreshed and in control of my thoughts and went to work helping to scrape paint off the windows.

Yep I am a survivor and I will get through whatever life hands out. :)

Until next time 
God Bless
Misker