You know normally I do not air dirty laundry in pubic places but this week I am, because I am hoping that the following will help at least one parent out there to pay attention to their children and to what their children want and need in their fragile lives more than to themselves (the parents) and what they think they want and need.

My eldest granddaughter was told by her father, as punishment for something, that she had to write an essay on respect so he could see if she knew what it meant and to teach her a lesson in putting respect into action.

Well Shantel wrote that essay and sent it to me with permission to print it here in hopes that one other person could learn something or maybe in hopes one other child out there would have the nerve to speak up and say what is in their hearts.I also have her Mother's permission to print this here.

Just so you know -- I have not changed the names of anyone in this and I have not changed my granddaughter's format as I wanted it to be in her words, as she wrote it and not in mine. Editing too much would have not been right in this case.

Shantel and Justine are my blood granddaughters and Brittany is their half sister from a relationship their father had with someone other than their mother .

I love Brittany as much as if she were my granddaughter. She calls me Gramma and I love that. My daughter loves her as if she were her very own child and has been there for her since birth. Shantel loves her like a full sister.

Michelle, whom my granddaughter refers to, is her father's present live-in girlfriend.

Now you know all the characters in my granddaughter's essay to her father.

Remember the old saying as you read this "Out of the mouth of babes comes true feelings of the heart" Here is what my granddaughter wrote to her Father.

People say respect is earned. If respect is earned then why should I have respect for everyone. The day I was born I became independent. I never needed and don't need anyone. I give respect to people who have earned it. You and mom deserve my love. 

All my life you had new girlfriends and a new place to be other than home

It was always lies and cheating. "Don't tell mom". I don't understand why mom has so much respect for you if all you did was come and go. You used to hit her or she couldn't cope. She coulda died because of you and your "girlfriends", remember the suicide attempt? And she respects and loves you so much doesn't she? 

Now why should I have respect for her? I guess that's a good question, you know no matter how much you left or hurt her, she still took you back. And again the more she let you back in the more you left. Even still you'll come back or want to come back and yet again she will take you back. So that in a year she wants to die again. Justine and Brittany are depressed and I can't cope and I can't answer my own question. "what did I do wrong this time?"

You say Michelle should have my respect as well. Tell me when she deserved it. You think respect comes from doors being slammed in your face, turning your head, telling me I wasn't welcome in my dad's house, embarrassing me publicly?  No. She hasn't earned it either. Does she know respect ? I mean if she does, she hasn't shown me at all!

You should have respect for your parents. When your mom walked away who took you in? Nana and Dude. They have been there for everything, they watched and helped you grow. And you don't show respect for them because they don't like Michelle. Does it seem like anyone does? 

Does Michelle even care? I mean all she wants is you to herself and when or if she gets that you've lost everything. Haven't you? You've lost mom who has so much respect and love for you even though she shouldn't. You always "disrespect" her by leaving. An example :  oops I left this family, oops I have a girlfriend, oops she had my baby, oops she's a terrible mother, oops she gave away all her kids, oops they all have a different father, oops I'm gonna blame 2 of them on the same guy so it doesn't look so bad, oops a new father for my 5th baby, oops his wife is having one too, oops I wonder if I'll win him back by having a baby, oops will I keep it or give it away? Does that sound like respect? Self -respect is the first step. 

You say I'm selfish, well it's not that I'm selfish it's that it seemed you never cared either. Always someone else. I was always left behind. Too many people were told lies. Why? Because you needed to look good to everyone. But you never really changed my opinion on things. I always knew that it all would happen over again. 

Why didn't you spend time with me on my birthday, that's what you came down to do? But instead you took "a drive" with my mom and on my birthday all I got was "we're talking" and when I was sleeping, a goodnight and and happy birthday, because you were too busy playing around with my mom. The year I was actually declared a teen you left me with nothing.

My life hasn't been easy since the day I was born. Each day I prayed that I would make it just 1 more day, just one more. I can't wait to be able to be on my own and have my own family and I will make sure it wasn't nearly as messed as mine. I went through counseling and everything. 

There's a song called "Wonderful" by "EveryClear" you should listen to it. It's what I go through everyday. You know I wrote suicide notes too, just like Justine the difference is nobody found them . I have cuts on my arm because of everything. I hate my life and a lot of things in it. I wanted to die too. I had runaway notes, suicide notes. But nobody ever found them. Why? because I ripped them up and made more. You know why I hate my arms, because they are scarred from things. Not mentioning the heart I HAD. Completely pieces and all because of all the crap I went through.

I said that respect started with respecting myself. And now I do. I respect myself a lot but not because of you guys, because I'm independent, because someone else showed me self respect. Someone else told me that everything that went on I didn't do. It wasn't my fault you left me so much. 

Why dad? Why did you leave? Were you bored of the same people everyday? The same woman beside you every morning? The same walls? The same crap to deal with when you got home? Why?

Should I be doing this essay or should you? Was I shown respect? Where have you been? I'm almost 14 and you thought I was only in grade 6. You don't show up to important things in my life. You missed everything.

I'm graduating this year, will you be there? Will you realize : “Oh my God she is beautiful"? If you were so proud of me being born then why did you always leave me? If you were proud then why did you just recently remember my full name ? If you were proud of me why aren't you ever there? 

The definition for respect is consideration to consider ones feelings. Have you ever considered any of our feelings? Obviously not because if you did then why did you just push Justine's suicide notes away, all you said was " I don't have time for this". Well fine then when your child's dead, will you have time for that? When she's dead I'm just gonna say I'm sorry I didn't have time to call you and tell you" or will you say then "sorry i didn't make it, I didn't have time"? 

Did you know I'm graduating this year. Last year of elementary. Then high school. University isn't far away. You gonna wish you were there then? When I'm singing and making loads of money from being a lawyer you gonna wish you were there? You missed my life. All of you. Now I'm almost gone out of your life ready for my own. And you're only here from the last couple years then I'm gone. 

Do you pay attention to Brittany? She has all the respect in the world for everyone, but does everyone have respect for her? Brittany's a smart little girl for her age, but she's been passed around like nothing. Everyone leaves her. Mom and I are the only ones who stood by her. Mostly me. And don't you notice that she always comes to me about stuff? When something's wrong, she comes to me. Why? Well because I have a lot of respect for her and her for me. I'm the only thing that stood by her through everything. I include Brittany in everything. Of course she loves you and mom as do the rest of us. But that has nothing to do with respect.

The definition for disrespect is rudeness from someone who wants to respect someone. Yes of course I have disrespected you or mom. But all my life wasn't that disrespect too? The law of Karma says what goes around comes around. 

Do you believe that all our lives what went around will come back to haunt you? 

Now you know respect and disrespect and what it means to me. I hope you found your answers. And I hope you understand how I feel about respect. Trust me I did alot of research.. I found everything I had been keeping inside of me and I pulled it all out. 

Dear Readers: 

I hope you will all pay attention to your children and how precious they are and what gifts they are. Before you think of what you want and need  -  think about what they want and need. Consider all things before doing what you feel you want to do.

Until next time.....
hugs Misker