I am feeling a little numb and very thoughtful right now. So I figured I would do what I usually do when I am feeling thoughtful or confused or hurting inside and that is to write.  

Today is Sat., September 21, 2002 

Earlier today I lost one of the most important people in my life. My Mom-in-law who I love more than I can put into words, passed away. She had gone to lie down for a few minutes because she was not feeling well. God chose then to take her home. 

When I got the call my heart felt like it had shattered into pieces. My tears poured like hot rain down my cheeks as the realization that I lost one of my dearest friends hit me. 

This lady brought me from a "mouse in the corner" type of person to a person who learned to stand up for herself and fight back.  

She taught me that the abuse I had put up with in my life was wrong and it had to stop. She stood against anyone who went against me or hurt me. She stepped in front of me and cleaned up problems that I was too weak to clean up myself. She taught me to believe in myself and believe in what I could be. She helped me become who I am now. She taught me to have backbone. 

She was there to praise me when I went back to get my high school diploma at 40 years of age. Every time I completed a new course for something she would help me celebrate with dinner out or bingo. When I got my "Ministarial" diploma she was so thrilled. When I got my "Police Sciences" diploma she cheered the loudest. She was my strongest supporter in me learning to find myself. 

Not only did she give birth to Ralph - the man who became the love of my life for the rest of my life - she gave birth to the person I am today by teaching me to believe in myself. By teaching me to stand on my own two feet and fighting back for what I believed was right. 

The woman who took me in almost 14 years ago - into her heart and her home and has loved me like her own child since - is not there now.  

I can't phone her anymore when I need advice or an opinion on something. I can't call her when I am ticked off at her son (she nearly always took my side) and I cannot call her when I want to share something that makes me laugh or when one of my grandchildren does something that I want to share with her. I can't call her now because she won't be there to pick up the phone. 

Our relationship was not perfect all the time because we were too much alike. We had a few good arguments over the last 14 years, but they always worked themselves out in the end.  When she taught me to talk back she forgot to teach me not to talk back to her and because we were so much alike there were times we definitely did not agree on things.  However, the love and close bond we shared was never damaged by our differences of opinion. 

I had the pleasure of her living with me twice over the years. The first time was for a year back in the mid 1990's. The second time was last year for a couple of weeks while she was making up her mind about what she wanted to do.  

I thank God for allowing me those couple of weeks last year because when I look back now I have more memories to hold in my heart. I went to see her in August before my surgery and now I am so thankful that I did because I got to hold her close to me and feel her hug. 

I sat down and wrote her a 7 page letter a couple of weeks ago and told her exactly what I felt for her in my heart and what she has meant to me over the years. I am so glad that I did.  

I talked to her a couple of days ago and I am so glad that my last words to her were "I love you".  I was supposed to be going to see her on the 27th of this month. Now I will go home to help lay her to rest this week instead.  

I will be there to help say "see you later" to another angel who is going home to heaven. Now when I want to talk to her I will just speak her name and I know she will be here with me. 

I will know she no longer has cancer and she no longer has pain. I will know now that she smiles down on me from heaven. I will love her always and I will look forward to seeing her one day again. 

until next time... 
hugs, Misker