One of  the things in life that I value above all else is my grandchildren.This week I
want to tell you all how proud I am of my eldest grandchild "Shantel".  

Shantel wrote this weeks' "Knowledge: The Best Defense" column for the Misker's Den Gazette newsletter and as I read it my tears began to fall to think that this child, who will be 13 on February 7th - 2002, has so much knowledge on abuse. 

However, even though her column brought me to tears because of old abuse I went through I have to admit that I am so proud of how she has taken this knowledge and put it to use. I pray that she will never as long as she lives ever suffer abuse at anyone's hands. 

Shantel has taught me many things in life. The first thing she taught me is that I had
reason to live. 

I was in a very abusive marriage to a man who drank every second he could and who
cheated with anyone who would and I had come to a point that I did not want to live
any longer because I saw no future and no reason for me to be on this earth. 

I was in a dead end marriage -- my daughters had moved back to Ontario, Canada to
their biological father's territory and I was still in Alberta, Canada with over 2000 miles
separating us. The parents who raised me were deceased by then and I did not really
have any friends at that time because of my husband's ways. I felt so alone and so
beaten into submission that I felt worthless and useless. Someone whom I felt very
close to had slept with my husband and so I also felt betrayed by her. 

I had decided that I would end my life and everyone would be better off without me. I had mixed rat poison the night before which we kept out in the barn to kill the rats that
played amongst the hay and the livestock and planned on taking it when my husband
left for work the next morning.  

However my phone rang bright and early next morning before I was even awake and it
was my youngest daughter telling me that my oldest daughter had just given birth to
my first granddaughter.  

All of a sudden my foolish mind kicked into gear and I realized that I was a fool to let
anyone's abuse drive me to not want to live. I realized that I had beautiful daughters
to live for and now a beautiful granddaughter as well. 

How could I have even thought of death when around me was such beauty to embrace?  Shantel's birth saved my life and I vowed that day that never again would anyone ever abuse me.  

I moved off my farm and into a small little house along with my poodle Boo. I worked 2
full time jobs and did housecleaning for others to make money and saved it up to head
home to Ontario, Canada.  

I started to falter a bit because it just seemed too hard to do all of this. Well again
Shantel came to my rescue. Her mother had been abused one weekend and she
decided to come to Alberta to see me and get away for awhile. She brought Shantel
with her and as I watched that sweet little girl's smiles and gurgles I once again
gained strength inside myself to keep working to better myself. To this day I have a
picture of Shantel sitting in a wee baby chair and on the counter by her is a pound of bacon. I have to giggle at the fact that there was not much difference in length between her and that package of bacon. 

My daughter returned to Ontario with Shantel and I knew I had to follow as soon as I
could because I just had to be closer to my children and to my granddaughter. I
worked my tail off that summer and fall and finally had enough money to come home
and start over. I packed up my 45 boxes of belongings and had the moving truck pick
them up and I got in my old Oldsmobile with my poodle and headed for home. 

My niece had arranged a job for me when I arrived home so I knew I would be working
right away. I stayed with my daughter and son-in-law and my granddaughter Shantel
from Dec. 14 until Feb 1 and then moved into my own place and have never looked
back to my old life. 

Shantel has never stopped teaching me things since the day she was born. Not only
do I credit her with saving my life I credit her for teaching me to laugh again -- for
teaching me to have purpose  -- for teaching me that life is beautiful and rewarding 
and worth living. 

I have watched her grow from that tiny baby into a beautiful young woman now ready
to enter her teens next week. She has grown into an intelligent young lady full of
insight and heart. Her outlook on life is refreshing and beautiful. We share lunch
together and shopping together and we talk about the latest fashions and hair colours
and of course that never ending mystery of boys. 

Don't get me wrong, my Shantel is a normal "pick on my little sister's child."  She
sometimes talks back to her Mother and sometimes she seems impossible to
understand but I am so proud of everything she is becoming and even the not so
good times are memories I would not trade for all the money on earth. 

In closing I want to say "Thank you Shantel" -- "Thank you" for giving me reason to
live -- for loving me just as I am -- for accepting this Gramma's eccentric ways --
"Thank You" for sharing your laughter and for sharing your tears -- "Thank You" for
just being you.  

I love you Shantel with all my heart and soul and with every breath I take. For now and forever never forget your Gramma thinks you are wonderful and one of the most special and important people I have ever had the honor to have in my world. 

Until next time.... 
hugs  Misker