I was spending time with my eldest daughter the other day and she was feeling the "I am almost 30 blues".  We were sitting at the marina sipping our root beers and having a smoke and just discussing life in general. I looked up at her and saw tears. Concerned I asked her what was wrong and she looked through her tears at me and said, "Oh Mom, I'm almost 30 and I have not accomplished a damn thing ".

I looked at my beautiful daughter with her gorgeous blue eyes and hair that was soft and shiny and nearly long enough to touch her butt. I looked at her sweet face and as her tears slid down her cheeks my heart constricted with such love all I wanted to do was reach out and hold her close. 

There she sat in tears because she will be 30 in a couple of weeks and she does not have a Ph.D. or a million dollars in the bank. She does not own her own big fancy home or drive a fancy car. Ah there were dozens of things according to her that she did not accomplish. As she sat there telling me what a failure she was my mind was just humming.

I let her tell me what was in her heart and how she felt about herself and what she felt she did not accomplish. I let her tears fall and although I wanted to reach out and hold her I didn't. Although I wanted desperately to wipe her tears away I didn't because I knew she needed to cry. Although I wanted so much to make it all better I knew I couldn't. That is something she has to do on her own.

Instead when she was done talking I told her what I myself had realized a couple of weeks ago as I sat in my kitchen in tears realizing that I was almost 50 and felt I had accomplished nothing in all these years. I had sat at my table looking over the field behind my house wondering how I could be such a loser. Wondering why I had not accomplished anything in my life worthwhile. I realized something that day and I knew I had to share it with my daughter.

This is what I realized.

I told her it was not necessarily what she felt she had accomplished that made her the person she was. I told her it was what she had NOT ACCOMPLISHED that did.

She had not accomplished becoming a drug addict or a drunk. She had not accomplished using people for personal gain. She had not accomplished being a career criminal and spending her life in prison. She had not accomplished prostitution or a bad gambling habit.  She had not accomplished abandoning her family or good friends. She had not accomplished racism or bigotry.

She had not accomplished giving her children away or being an abusive parent. She had not accomplished having baby-sitters or family members raise her children because she did not have time to do it herself. She did not accomplish loose morals for living. She did not accomplish laziness or slovenliness. 

No there are a lot of things she did not accomplish and that is what makes her the person she is today. A beautiful person. A wonderful Mother  (which is one of the most important jobs on earth). A great daughter and friend to her Mother. A huge heart that loves every abandoned child or critter out there. A ready smile no matter how lousy she is feeling. A searcher of all things unknown because she has an insatiable amount of curiosity. A kind and loving and giving heart for all those in need. She is all of these things and much much more.

Yes there are a lot of things my beautiful daughter has accomplished  and a lot of things I have accomplished but you know I am more proud of the things we did not accomplish.

You know folks the next time you feel down or blue because of what you have not accomplished look in the mirror and think about what you have not accomplished and I guarantee you it will remind you of what you have to be proud of and keep going for. Because it is not what we accomplish in life that makes us who we are all in itself.

until next time 
hugs 
Misker