Today I want to write about senior citizens.

Yesterday I went to see my ex Mom-In-Law. A lady that I love dearly. She and I have been very close from the first day we ever met. She turned 78 on June 10th and I could not be there so I figured I would take the time to go on down and see her yesterday. I am so very glad that I did. I popped some pain pills and off I went.

Yesterday brought back to me some hard facts of life. I have called this woman Mom for nearly 13 years. She has been more of a mother to me then I have ever known since I lost my own dear Mother that raised me. Even though her son and I are no longer married she and the rest of the family and I have gotten along fine - including her son, my ex husband, who is still one of my dearest and closest friends.

When I walked into my Mom's apartment the strangest smell hit me. My first clue that something was not right here. 

In the chair I saw an old wrinkled woman with sad eyes. She had lost tons of weight and beside her sat her wheelchair. Her apartment was so cluttered that I had to move things to be able to bend and hug her close. Her eyes were full of tears and her voice trembled because she was so glad to see me. As I listened to her telling me how much she loved me and how glad she was that I had come to see her I let my eyes do the walking.

I went to her small kitchen to put the kettle on and was horrified at how dirty things were. Everything I touched was sticky from dust turned damp by the heat. I shuddered thinking of my nice clean house in comparison to what I was standing in. I looked around the apartment that holds her few treasures and saw dirty baseboards, floors that needed to be swept, dishes that needed to be put away, wallpaper on the walls that definitely needed to be replaced, a bathroom that I myself shuddered to use because I am very particular on where I take my pants down.

There is more but this description is enough for now. 

I sat and visited and what I had planned to be only a couple of hours turned into a 5 hour visit instead. I found myself having a very hard time leaving her. I listened to how lonely she was and how she felt that no one wanted her and no one had any time for her. I heard how since she had lived in her apartment for 4 months she only had her laundry done twice. I heard how she loads her garbage bags into her wheelchair and walks one step at a time behind it as she pushes it down the hall to the garbage chute. I looked as she showed me proudly all the things she has been crocheting in her lonely hours. I roamed around her little place looking at the pictures of her family that she so lovingly had on every spare inch of her walls. 

A family that has no time for her. One daughter lives upstairs in an apartment above her, (she sees her now and then), another daughter lives a couple of buildings away, (she sees her about twice a year), a third daughter lives across town. She also has 2 sons in the same city and one about an hour away.  (My ex hubby also her son is incarcerated so I do not include him in this little *to blame* story. He adores his Mother and his heart breaks as mine does that she has to live this way.)

All of her children have health problems which I respect of course but despite those problems can each one not take a couple of hours once a week to spend with her?  To help her clean her apartment? To do her laundry? 

She has tons of grandchildren, nieces and nephews and other family in the same city or in close proximity. Do none of them have a couple of hours a month to spend with an old lady to ease her loneliness?

This woman had 9 children -- two are deceased and one is incarcerated -- she has buried 2 husbands and a long time dear companion -- she cooked -- she cleaned -- she sewed entire wedding outfits -- she did all she could for so many. Now who is there for her? Who can spend a couple of hours a week to make an old lady smile -- to make some of her lonely hours go away.

My mind went back to about 12 years ago when I first took my aunt and uncle in to care for. I had no where to go and no one to help me. Well Mom took me and my 2 new family members and my little dog into her tiny 2 bedroom apartment to stay until I could find a place of our own. I was working 2 jobs so she took care of my aunt and uncle for me while I was not home and from her own pocket she paid all expenses and let me pay her back a little at a time. She took her time to find us an apartment in the same building she was in so we had somewhere to live until I found us a house. She looked after them when I would go to see my husband/her son.

As my heart was breaking to think of how she was now living I knew what I had to do. I had to reach way down inside me and open up one more room for someone who needed someone to care - as I had once needed someone to care about me.

I told her I wanted her to call a family meeting and tell them all that if none of them had the time for her, that I did. I told her I wanted her to think very carefully and very deep and decide if she would like to come and live with me and my little family here.

I found out that she had already done that without me knowing because she knew that I always had the time for her and that I loved her enough to care for her. ( LOL I said she was an old lady - I did not say she was stupid or senile hehehe ) Her dear old mind is still enough on the ball to know where she is loved and wanted. 

So I will know within the next few weeks if she is going to take me up on my offer of coming to spend her last days with me. If she does then I will give her my bedroom and take my dining room apart and make her a sitting room of her own so she can crochet away and not worry about the critters touching her handiwork. Or I will just go find a larger house so there is more room. It is a decision that ultimately she has to be the one to make because if she comes to me she is a few hours away from her blood family and friends. It is a big change for her regarding doctors and other things as well. 

I talked to my little family here and every single one of them agreed on my decision and every single one of them offered to do their part to help me take care of my Mom. Every single one of my little family here are mentally challenged in some way. A couple are also physically challenged. What does that say about those of us who are lucky enough to have all our faculties? 

Anyway I do not know why I am telling you all of this other than the fact I wanted to bring home to so many how much our senior citizens need their family. It is my belief that if more people would take care of their parents like their parents took care of them it would be a better world. If more people remembered the sacrifices our parents made for us and how much they did without so we that we had what we needed, then maybe there would not be so many lonely seniors out there feeling unwanted and unneeded. 

Yes our seniors are old and some of them do not have all their faculties anymore. Some remember "when" more often then we like because we have heard the same old memory over and over. Some are not the bright spirited souls we remember when they were younger and more full of life. But do you know what, folks?  We -- yes you and I -- are going to be those senior citizens someday. 

How do you want to be treated? Think about it.

Until next time, 
hugs,
Misker