The mother that adopted and raised me had a son of her own. He and I grew up close and I loved him so much. He was the perfect big brother and always protected me. He was my hero when I was little and I just knew when I grew up we would get married and have kids and live happily ever after. Ah don't little girls dream eh? He was 9 years older then me and I guess like any other normal little sister I absolutely adored him! Yes Johnny was my first love - my hero - the perfect man when I was little. 

He chased away the monsters at night and checked under my bed and in my closet to prove to me that they were gone. He pushed me on the swing and told me how wonderful my mud pies were and how pretty I looked in my curls and new dress. He fought the boys at school when they made fun of me and he would walk the mile from home to walk me home from school each night after he was out of the same school and in high school.

Then he moved away from home and met my sister-in-law and fell in love and got married. Broke my heart!!  LOL  I did not forgive him for a couple of years until I got it into my head that you could not marry your brother. LOL 

Well as adults we are still good friends. As the years went by and I had a family of my own we grew apart in distance and for some reason or other the years passed with only Christmas and birthday cards and the odd letter. My children grew up and his grew up and we both became grandparents.

Johnny had a severe heart attack a while back and it hit me harder then I could ever imagine when I realized I came close to losing him. When he got home from the hospital we agreed on the phone to see each other soon. Well soon happened today. 

He came to the city and we met for lunch and when he walked in the door of the restaurant my heart squeezed so tight and my throat closed up and the love I felt for him was as strong as ever. Only now it was an adult sister love for her favorite brother. The years and his Crohn's disease and his heart attack have not been kind to him and he has aged so much that it hurt me inside. He still has the same hairstyle he had when I was a kid with the Brylcreem look and his eyes are the same sparkly blue but I was shocked at how gray he had become and how the lines were etched in his face. He was the perfect male version of my mother in looks and in actions. Her memory was so strong at that moment. 

He told me how good I looked for being 2 years away from 50 and in his hug I felt the lack of strength in his arms. He has what is called "frozen shoulder" and he can not squeeze tight like he used to. But you know I still felt protected and loved. :)

Over lunch we reminisced about our youth and how he protected me and some of the silly scrapes he had to get me out of. Like the time I was kept up in a tree because a porcupine decided that he should sit at the bottom and nap. I sat up in that tree with my cousin until Johnny came home from work and chased the old porky away. 

We talked about how when I had the measles as a little girl (and my mother put a dark blanket over the window so no sun could get in my eyes ) he would bring his guitar to my room and sit and sing to me to keep me happy. How he would let me sit and look through his boxes of comic books that he collected and caution me to be careful and not rip them.

Ah yes and as the time flew by and our visit came to an end because I could see he was tiring and his wife had to drive him home again because he kept nodding off at the table -- I felt a tug in my heart for the times that used to be. To be young again for just a brief few minutes was wonderful. Then reality hit me in the face and I realized that time and age had changed us both.

As I hugged him good-bye in the parking lot I kicked myself silently for the 8 years it had been since I  last saw him face to face. Why do families let this happen? Why do we get so busy with our own lives that we forget to take the time to stay in touch more often? Is it because we feel we will never grow old? Is it because we feel time will stand still and we will always be healthy? Is it because we just forget how fast time flies?

I don't know the answers. But I do know that I will not let that long a time go by again without seeing him. My mind is drifting tonight back over the years when I grew up with the redheaded brother that I loved so much. I can remember once when......

Ah but that is another story. For now I will just keep the memories to myself and cherish them in my mind. Another day, another time, I will share with you some more. For tonight I will say take care and God bless. 

hugs,
Misker
November 6/99