Well here I am again, reflecting on life as is and as it used to be. You know I do not know if it is the fact that I am getting older or that mentalpause has me doing some heavy woolgathering, but my mind sure has been traveling a lot of different paths lately.

I have also been having a lot of spiritual feelings that seem to be growing stronger and deeper each day. You know my Mom used to tell me that before it is my time to meet my maker I had to deal with all things within myself and find forgiveness in my heart not just for things that have been done by others that have caused me hurt over the years but for things that I have done that have caused hurt to myself.

Despite the fact that in my past I have done some things that I am not proud of I have learned a lot of lessons from the outcomes of those things and also despite the hurts that were caused by others I have learned a lot of valuable lessons in how not to hurt others. I think it is easier to learn to forgive yourself and others only if you do learn a valuable lesson from the consequences of the actions.

One of the most important things I feel I have learned in life is that a persons' family "is not"  always the family you were born in to and a family "does not" have to necessarily be the family you were born in to. I rarely have much to do with my biological family (some because I do not know them because they were adopted to other families and some because I do not care to live my life as they do and I do not choose to have them involved in my life because of the way they choose to live) so rather then be hypocritical or cruel I just stay away from them.

On the other hand there are a few folks that I consider family "by choice of heart". A select few people who have treated me with a love and respect above and beyond what I ever expected from anyone. Beyond and above what I ever felt I deserved. 

My best friend Donna gets embarrassed when I brag about her but she has no idea how much sincerity and love she has brought into my life. She has taught me that a true friend is always there no matter if they agree with what you do or not. I have shared things with her that no one else on earth knows and things I would not want anyone else to know.  I have for the first time in my 47 years of life found a soul mate that I can be just myself with and have no fear of rejection or criticism. She has taught me that I can trust another female with my secrets and my dreams. I can be serious or silly with her. She is one of the very few people I can just let my hair down with and feel comfortable no matter what the situation. I can not imagine not having her in my life now . Fate crossed our paths and I will be eternally grateful for that. Donna is more my sister then anyone could ever be that is not blood.

I have a few people I call real friends, but they are limited as I live by a little ditty my Mom used to quote: "true friends are like diamonds-precious and rare" " false friends are like autumn leaves-found anywhere." Throughout my life I found ( sometimes painfully) that my Mom was so very right.

I learned years ago to build a wall around myself so I did not get hurt. Loneliness was never a problem with me because I preferred it to being hurt by being too open. I tend to still be very much a loner and border on reclusive for the most part. 

I adore my daughters and grandchildren and feel so very blessed. I love my home and the family that lives in it with me.  I completely love my animals and have found such loyalty and love in them that I truly do not believe another human being could ever replace that.

I do not need millions of dollars to be happy and as far as materialistic things I feel that a piece of someone's heart is much more important. There is nothing materialistic that can not be replaced other then a few sentimental items that one collects over the years from loved ones. But being a part of someone's heart is irreplaceable. 

Do I sound like a melancholy old fool yet?  LOL  Ah well this is just another part of me that I thought I would share with my readers. I have met some super folks online and have made some lovely friends/acquaintances for sure. I know I will never meet most of these folks face to face but from corresponding with them and from reading their websites I feel that I have been lucky to have met them.

My site has generated some wonderful and positive responses and I am so glad that I can reach out and touch others from the heart. I am glad that I can make others smile and I am definitely glad that so many of you feel you can email me and talk to me about what is in your heart and know that I do truly care how you feel.

I have learned as well to give a little more of myself because of some of the folks I have met online and I do truly care. Somehow it is easier to be myself here then it is in real life sometimes. I do not feel judged or censored out this way. I think my site has had some positive therapy on myself and therefore everyone benefits.

Well I will be off now and shall return again soon.

God Bless,
Misker 
August 20/99