Dear God, 
Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?  Where are their priorities?

Dear God, 
When we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?

Dear God, 
Excuse me, but why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not one named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around?  We dogs love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the Chrysler Eagle the Chrysler Beagle?

Dear God, 
If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God, 
If we come back as humans, is that good, or bad?

Dear God, 
More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God, 
When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?

Dear God, 
Are there dogs on other planets or are we alone? I have been howling at the moon and stars for a long time, but all I ever hear back is the schnauzer across the street!

Dear God, 
Are there mailmen in Heaven?  If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God, 
We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths.  What do humans understand?

Dear God, 
May I have my testicles back?

• I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box; although they are tasty, they are not food.

• I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.

• The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

• I will not steal my mom's thong underwear and dance all over the backyard with them.

• I will not eat mint flavored dental floss out of the bathroom garbage; I do not want a string hanging out of my butt.

• I will not roll around in the dirt right after just getting a bath.

• Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying hello.

• I will not hump on any person's leg just because I thought they needed a good hump.

• I will not fart in my owners' faces while sleeping on the pillow next to their head.

• I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.

• The toilet bowl is not a never ending water supply and, just because the water is blue, it doesn't mean it is cleaner.

• I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over.

• I will remember that suddenly turning around and smelling my butt can quickly clear a room.

• The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.